Solo Going: Does Your Community Support Aging On Your Own?

If you’re on your own as an older adult, you’re definitely not alone. The trend of “solo aging” among older adults continues. While the number of solo seniors continues to rise (with estimates that roughly 12.5 million people over 50 are living alone), it’s not clear that the professionals who deal with this population, or services or communities that support this population, have kept up with this new reality. Headlines scream, “America’s Solo Aging Crisis Is Here,” but as advocate and solo expert Ailene Gerhardt makes clear, “It’s not a crisis to be solved. It’s a reality to be supported.”

Gerhardt is the force behind a recent survey conducted by The Navigating Solo Network, which surveyed 507 older adults about planning, support, and systems for solo aging. As you might surmise, all is not well in the world of solo aging. While a rising number of older adults are alone, either by choice, divorce, widowhood, or some other life circumstance, the systems in place to support this status appear to be lagging behind the reality of so many older adults. With a mix of challenges that include finances, housing, health, transportation, social connection, and surrogate decision-making, solo agers are often served by traditional professionals who can prepare paperwork and documents but often fall short when reality sets in. As the report makes clear, “Documentation can establish authority; it does not create the human capacity needed to carry it out.” So, you may have an advance planning document in place or a trust set up to deal with financial contingencies, but if you don’t have someone who can accompany you to a medical test or open the door when emergency personnel arrive at your door, then all of the planning in the world falls flat. The report about this survey describes the need for “An Architecture of Support,” which intentionally puts in place skilled professionals, clear roles, practical services, communication pathways, and backup options that can be reliably activated when a solo ager needs help (such a structure would support even those with involved loved ones). And when it comes to retirement financial planning, most models and assumptions are “couple-centric,” leaving solo agers to cobble together a plan and circle of support that may be challenging to create and execute.

But currently, such a support architecture is lacking in many, if not most, communities. Sure, there are lots of articles from experts on what, as a solo ager, you should put into place to prepare for some of the inevitable challenges and uncertainties that accompany aging. These include searching for the right senior community, understanding the costs you may face for long term care, especially in the context of your budget, lining up a team of paid professionals for health care and other personal needs, putting in place your advance directives and estate plans, and finding your “people” who will be your ride-or-die folks when life gets messy. Or, you might want to look at the financial advice from a recent Forbes article, which includes suggestions about setting up an emergency fund, assessing your complete financial picture, investing and protecting your assets wisely, and yes, finding your “circle” of support. But in the end, as one solo senior commented to The Wall Street Journal, “It all falls on me” — and that can be a heavy load to bear if the right structure and support are not available.

But as many of you likely know, it’s not all doom and gloom when it comes to solo aging. There are communities putting programming in place to support solo seniors living on their own, and there are many resources available to help solo agers connect and strategize. For some ideas to explore, look here and here. And many older adults are quite happy living on their own. For example, a recent post in Moneywise cited a new survey reporting that only ⅓ of single women aged 50 and over are open to dating, and among those without partners, 9 out of 10 are “content” to be on their own. And many solo agers prefer to think about aging on their own as independence rather than isolation or loneliness. Many are happy with their circumstances and active in their pursuit of social engagement on their own terms. So, while there are burdens and benefits to solo aging, the bottom line is that whether or not you choose such a life, it may choose you. As the writer and journalist Gabriel García Márquez once said, “The secret of a good old age is simply an honorable pact with solitude.”