As we’ve previously noted, demographic changes mean that some of us may never have the experience of being a grandparent. But if you are a grandparent or will become one, you’re in good company. Worldwide, it’s estimated that 20% of the population- about 1.5 billion people- are grandparents. For those of us who have grandchildren, there are benefits to be gained and lessons to be learned, including how to play a positive role in the lives of your grandchildren (and their parents!) and what you can learn just by being an active listener in their presence. 

First, some newly revealed benefits to be gained from spending time with your grandchildren. For many, if not most of us, being with your grandchild is a lovely opportunity. But did you know that while giving you pleasure, this experience may also enhance and protect your cognitive functioning? In a recent study in the Journal of Marriage and Family, researchers report that those grandparents who provide even minimal caregiving help for their grandchildren had better cognitive functioning than those who were not caregivers for grandchildren. As one researcher made clear, “One of the best ways of not experiencing too much detriment in your cognitive thinking is to keep growing your brain. Sudoku is one thing, but grandchildren are a whole other level.” So it could be a win-win for you and your adult children next time they ask what you’re doing on a Friday night. For more on this study, check your calendar and click here.

And when spending time with your grandchildren, especially as they get older, there’s lots of advice out there as to how to play a positive and meaningful role and how to engage in meaningful conversation (and perhaps get them to put down their smartphones!). In particular, in this day and age, there may be comments best left unsaid, and questions better not to ask, when it comes to engaging with grandchildren. Of course, speaking with your grandchild’s parent is probably the best way to determine what’s acceptable and what’s not, especially when it comes to navigating the challenges of modern child-rearing. For example, when it comes to technology, either posting a photo of your grandchild online or allowing your grandchild to go to certain websites, the best advice is to abide by whatever requests their parents make on the subject. The same thing goes with your comments in a conversation with your grandchild, regardless of how innocently you are asking or suggesting. Whether it has to do with food, appearance, or secrets you don’t want their parents to discover (maybe you’ve purchased a gift the parents asked you not to), expert advice is don’t put your grandkids in an awkward situation. Instead, if the goal is to create a loving experience and relationship, then your best bet is to engage in open-ended questions that allow you to better understand their interests and observations and, hearing their responses, facilitate further conversation to really build a relationship. So, for example, have you ever asked your grandchild, “What is something about you that I don’t know?” or “What was the last dream you remember?” For a much longer list of stimulating conversation starters, make a date with your grandchild and read here.

And if you’re looking for a great book to share with your grandchild, the best-selling author Emma Straub just published a new book with her mother, Susan Straub, called Gaga Mistake Day, about a somewhat silly grandma who visits her grandchild and makes lots of “mistakes” to the amusement of everyone. It’s one grandma-grandchild interaction that all can find delightful and rewarding!