We’re All Going to Die—So Let’s Do It Right By Kathleen M. Rehl, Ph.D., CFP®

By Kathleen M. Rehl, Ph.D., CFP®

Not long ago, I found myself reflecting (again) on the unavoidable: mortality. My late husband, Tom, and my dear mother passed within weeks of each other years ago. While their physical presence is gone, their spirit and love are still with me. I’m grateful for my faith, community, and especially the thoughtful planning they left behind.

Let’s be clear—this isn’t about doom and gloom. Planning for our death is one of the most life-affirming, love-filled gifts we can give to those we leave behind.

Years ago, I had to settle both their estates. Because they had planned wisely—financially, legally, and spiritually—it wasn’t chaotic. But grief doesn’t care how tidy the paperwork is. And sorting through memories, letters, and heirlooms? That’s its own emotional labor. I still have one small box of mementos and photos that belonged to Mom, which I’ll probably keep forever.

Now, as a financial professional and an end-of-life-trained doula, I see legacy planning not just as a task, but as a sacred act. Here’s my guide to doing it right—with love, clarity, and care.

Check Your Beneficiaries—They Might Surprise You!

Retirement accounts, life insurance, and annuities don’t pass through your legal will. They are distributed directly to the named beneficiaries—so ensure those names are still accurate. Has someone passed away? Have relationships shifted? Unfortunately, a client’s daughter failed to change the beneficiary of her life insurance policy when she and her boyfriend split up. Her untimely death soon afterward resulted in $30,000 going to him rather than to her family—such emotional pain.

Do you want to include a charity or a cause you love? It’s easy to add a nonprofit as a percentage beneficiary of your retirement account.

Also consider naming “transfer on death” (TOD) or “payable on death” (POD) beneficiaries on investment and bank accounts. And in some states, a “Lady Bird Deed” can pass real estate outside of probate.

Don’t Just Write a Will—Understand It

Many people create a will and forget about it. Dust yours off. Does it still reflect your values and priorities? And just as important, do your loved ones know where to find it? (Hint: not in a locked safe no one can access.)

If your life is complex, a revocable living trust may be beneficial. But even simple estates deserve clear documents.

Speak for Yourself—Even If You Can’t

Advance directives, living wills, and medical powers of attorney ensure your wishes guide your care. You might also consider a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order, signed by your doctor and honored by emergency responders.

Most importantly, talk with loved ones. These conversations may be tough, but they can prevent confusion and heartache later.

The Little Things That Matter Most

Families sometimes fight over money, but it’s often sentimental stuff that causes the real drama. Grandma’s quilt, Dad’s watch, that little green stool your great-grandfather made.

Create a “letter of instruction” (separate from your will) to share who should get what, and why. It gives context, meaning—and often, peace.

Personalize Your Goodbye

My husband Tom, a lifelong pastor, wrote most of his memorial service. You don’t have to go that far, but it’s a good idea to let loved ones know your preferences, such as cremation, traditional burial, or green burial, or even composting. What are your favorite readings or music? Who should be notified?

Even drafting your own obituary or farewell message can be a beautiful way to express your essence.

Write a Legacy Letter

A will passes on your things. A legacy letter passes on your heart.

This is a personal message—your values, blessings, memories, life lessons, and hopes for the future. 

Don’t worry about sounding polished. Just write like you’re talking to someone you love. Fifteen minutes is enough to start. You may find this free Legacy Lifeprint Letters and Stories eBooklet helpful in getting started.

One woman I worked with wrote to her grandkids about growing up during the Depression. Her words became a family treasure.

Say What Needs Saying—Now

Don’t wait to say “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” “I forgive you,” or “Thank you.”

Emotional closure is a gift best given while we’re still here.

Face Mortality to Fully Embrace Life

Training as an end-of-life doula emphasized this: acknowledging death makes life sweeter. When we know our time is limited, even ordinary days become extraordinary.

So ask yourself: What’s unfinished? Who needs to hear from you? What legacy do you want to leave?

In the End, a Beginning

We’re all going to die someday. It’s the one appointment we won’t miss. But we can arrive with grace and leave behind peace, not a mess. Love, not confusion. Meaning, not mystery.

Let your final gift be a life well-lived—and well-prepared.

Kathleen M. Rehl, Ph.D., CFP®, is an author, educator, speaker, and mentor dedicated to empowering widows financially and supporting the professionals who serve them. After the death of her husband, she turned grief into purpose, guiding others through loss, legacy planning, and purposeful aging. Her award-winning book, Moving Forward on Your Own: A Financial Guidebook for Widows, has helped thousands. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Kiplinger’s, CNBC, and more. Now in her “ReFirement” years, Kathleen continues to teach, write, and inspire — focusing on what matters most: meaning, connection, and purposeful living. You can read more about Kathleen and her work at her website, https://www.kathleenrehl.com.