Retirement Aging: Life’s Missing Transition Point By Wally Klatch

By Wally Klatch

We mark major life transitions with ceremonies and celebrations. For example, Christening or Brit Milah is for the transition from birth to entry into the faith; Confirmation or Bar Mitzvah for the transition from childhood to communal responsibilities; Graduation for the transition from learning to higher learning or employment; and Marriage for the transition from single to family status. This “from-to” approach is important on both sides of the point of transition. On the “from” side, a ceremony formalizes the closure of a particular period of life and thus ends the major activities/understandings of that period, which may even be related to as a release from the prior period. At the same time, the “to” side of a ceremony sets direction and expectations regarding what will follow. Not only are the format and content of the transition ceremony itself usually set according to community standards, but the direction and even the expected results of a participant’s activities after the ceremony are laid out, at least to some degree. This may be a suffocating constraint or a welcome guidance depending on the participant’s perspective.

After having lived much of their life according to this “from-to” ceremony formula, many people face a big change in this approach later in life. Not only does the approach change, but the lack of real awareness and preparation for this change makes it even more challenging to deal with. The change usually occurs when a person is in their 60’s, when their flexibility and ability to adapt to change may be significantly reduced, while they may have several decades of life remaining. As we will see, the resolution to this situation is relatively simple and even obvious, with the major roadblock being the challenge of altering society’s understandings and ways of operating.

As a person approaches their end-of-employment status or retirement, their end-of-parenting status or empty-nesting, or the end of some other activity that may well have occupied a large portion of their life, a different set of actions and understandings comes into effect. Almost all aspects of a “from-to” transition ceremony are missing from this point in life: while the “from” may be very clear and even dominating in a person’s life (employment, care for children at home, etc.), there is no “to” to guide the continuation of a person’s life. Even the ceremony itself may be of a far smaller magnitude than that of earlier life-ceremonies – a small gathering or retirement dinner is most likely much less striking than a wedding and reception – if such an end-of-stage ceremony occurs at all, which it may not.

This is exactly the missing life transition point. A person’s life does not end with retirement or empty-nesting, but this is often referred to as a “from” with no consideration of a transition or a “to” as the next stage. This leaves a person facing a situation they may never have faced in their entire life, with little or no support or guidance on how to proceed, and with virtually no preparation for this change in life. And no societal recognition or positive celebration of this important transition. The results of this may be brutal – a person who has had their daily life filled with routine activities, which also provided purpose and mission to life, may literally wake up one day without any of this. People in this situation express the personal difficulty they face in even deciding what to do with themselves each day, the lack of feeling a mission or purpose in their life, and the lack of a structure for the continuation of their lives.

This reality could be simply resolved and even avoided. Such a change would require, first of all, a shift in society’s mindset. Every person who reaches this stage should have a “to” that they will proceed to next, and I would call that “retirement aging.” The word and idea of “aging” come with so many negative connotations that it is avoided as much as possible, as described above. A person’s value during their “aging” years is often compared to their value during their “productive” (i.e., working or parenting) years. For the most part, this is a no-win construct for the older person, as by nature, some capabilities (such as physical and cognitive capabilities) decline with age. What is completely ignored in this scenario are some of the positive aspects of “retirement aging.” For example, something that is happening to me personally is that with my diagnosis of dementia, society and the medical establishment have labeled me as having MCI (Mild Cognitive Impairment). Yes, my cognitive capabilities are impaired, but what is completely lost in this definition is that my emotional functioning has been enhanced because of my condition. Instead, my condition should be labeled MEE (Mild Emotional Enhancement). This revised perspective expands very quickly: in a brain-based environment, cognitive abilities are very prominent and given much importance, but there is virtually no mention of the corresponding human capability of “feelingfulness.” The need I had to actually create new vocabulary for things I was feeling and doing as a result of my dementia makes it clear to me that this societal “blindness” is also (negatively) impacting people who are retiring / empty-nesting, for whom there aren’t words, tools, or wisdom to relate to the enhanced aspects of their new stage of life, but rather only their impaired abilities. (This was explored in an earlier interview in agebuzz as well as in several agebuzz articles.)

It would be a modest but meaningful start to put in place a clear and prominent position for the stage of “retirement aging” as the “to” for people who have arrived “from” careers or parenting. The establishment of a widely-performed transition ceremony for this “from-to” flow, comparable in recognition and value to other life-transition ceremonies, would advance not only the recognition but also the societal acceptance of this as a point of positive transition and of the stage of life that follows it. This could lead to the development of a positive, new way of thinking about the “retirement aging” stage of life, rather than comparing it to the former “productive” stage of a person’s life.

The establishment of a “from-to” transition ceremony from employment to “retirement aging” would be a start to addressing the vacuum that currently exists for people at this stage in their lives. The holding of such a ceremony would also complement the life ceremonies that already exist practically from childbirth. I think it’s very appropriate to hold a ceremony at this transition point in life as well.

Wally Klatch, 71, was diagnosed with Early-Stage Dementia in October 2022. He received his undergraduate degree from Indiana University and his Master’s Degree in Management from Purdue University. He worked as a Management Consultant to large and mid-sized companies in the areas of Organization and Operations, and spent thirty years living in Israel. Since being diagnosed, his condition has been connected by several neurologists to different brain conditions, including Parkinson’s Disease and brain spikes, among others. While his thought functionality is declining, his emotional awareness has increased, and he maintains functionality even while his relationship to himself and to his world is shifting. If you have any questions or comments for Wally, please feel free to reach out to him through agebuzz editor Connie Zuckerman at [email protected].