By Susanna P. Barton
Being prepared for the opportunities and challenges of aging requires us to be flexible, real, and positive – to embrace resilience as we move through new seasons of life. If you or a loved one has ever said, “I’m never going into nursing home” or “I don’t need _________ (fill in the blank – hearing aids, adult diapers, a walker, bathing assistance, etc.), or made a complaint like “the food there is terrible,” or “That place is for old people,” or even asserted some kind of profound reluctance like “this landline is the only communication tool I need,” then you know exactly why this step is essential to a workable Grand Plan. Being unrealistic, closed off, and inflexible are the roots of geri-drama in all forms.
Research shows that older adults who approach aging with flexibility, resilience, realism, and positivity are better equipped to handle the physical, emotional, and social changes that accompany later life. Transformations are going to happen, whether you like it, are ready for it, want it, or not! Let’s unpack why it’s important to move forward into the future with these essential traits as a guide.
Flexibility/Adaptability
Flexibility, or adaptability, allows us to accept change with grace. Whether we face a decline in physical abilities, a shift in social dynamics, or major adjustments to our financial planning, flexibility provides a safe and open door to changing circumstances. The American Psychological Association defines adaptability as “the capacity to make appropriate responses to changed or changing situations; the ability to modify or adjust one’s behavior in meeting different circumstances or different people.” Aging is all about changing situations, so an ability to modify our response and behavior is absolutely key to success.
I can think of a million opportunities to practice flexibility or adaptability as we age. Here are a few of them to consider:
If we can’t be flexible to some of these changes, we are losing out on opportunities to stay independent, interact with others, and promote progress. Flexibility enables individuals to embrace new technologies, modify routines for safety, and approach aging with curiosity rather than fear.
How do we hone this strength as we move through life, especially when the going gets a little tougher? Harvard Business Review suggests a technique called Deliberate Calm. This is defined as “a solution to the adaptability paradox. It enables leaders to act with intention, creativity, and objectivity, even in the most challenging circumstances, and it helps us to learn and adapt to novel challenges when the stakes are highest. The practice of Deliberate Calm — and it is a practice — changes our relationship with uncertainty,” the article explains. The article says the road to deliberate calm begins with flexing strengths in learning agility, emotional self-regulation, and dual awareness.
A September 15, 2020, article in Psychology Today says adaptation is the key to embracing change and growth and lists five techniques to strengthen it, including: asking additional questions, looking through a different lens, learning through experimentation, getting comfortable with discomfort, and accepting that change is inevitable.
However you wish to practice adaptability or flexibility, simply being mindful of it is a strong move.
Resilience
Resilience is the ability to recover from setbacks, and it is a cornerstone of healthy aging. In many scientific circles, resilience is associated with better mental health, lower depression rates, and improved physical health outcomes among older adults – and it may help you live longer! A September 2024 study published in BMJ Mental Health indicates that adults with a high level of resilience may reduce their risk of death by more than 50 percent. Resilient older adults are more likely to get help when they need it, stay socially active, and maintain a sense of purpose.
There are opportunities to sharpen our resilience throughout life, especially as we enter the second half. Some situations include:
Being resilient in situations like these can turn a challenge into a temporary setback and allow us to focus on what is possible instead of what is no longer available to us. Resilience is power! But how do we seize it, especially when our lives become increasingly routine?
A January 2024 article in Psychology Today called “Embracing Resilience: A New Perspective on Aging offers six ways adults of all ages can hone resilience. It’s all about reaching out instead of in. Some of the ideas noted include: maintaining strong relationships and social support, becoming active in the community, maintaining hopefulness, developing strong coping skills, cultivating optimism, and embracing positive thinking. We’ll get to those last two concepts in a minute.
Realism
The American Psychological Association defines realistic thinking as “thinking that is based or focused on the objective qualities and requirements that pertain in different situations. Realistic thinking permits adjustment of thoughts and behavior to the demands of a situation; it depends on the ability to interpret external situations in a fairly consistent, accurate manner.” We all need more realistic thinking as we age if we wish to receive change and pivot accordingly with grace.
Being realistic is taking an “it is what it is” approach to life circumstances. It’s about taking off the rose-colored glasses and accepting the scene for all that it is – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Being realistic as we age isn’t about losing hope; it’s about making practical decisions based on the circumstances before us. Research shows older adults who can look at health, financial, social, legal, and medical issues realistically are much better prepared to make long-term care decisions.
Here are a few situations that can be improved with a dose of realism:
There was a saying in the 80s, “Get real.” That quip sure sums it up neatly. Getting real about getting older is a freeing and honest way to approach the second half.
Positivity
A positive mindset is not about ignoring challenges and putting on those rose-colored glasses again. Instead, it’s about focusing on opportunities and gratitude. There are tons of studies out there – scientific and practical – that report that optimism is the key to life happiness and success, no matter your age. Being positive is linked to lower levels of stress, improved physical and mental health, increased longevity, and an overall sense of satisfaction with life.
And the beautiful thing is, we naturally get more positive as we age! This is a strength we don’t necessarily have to practice; it may just come to us.
A March 2024 study from the World Gallup Poll showed American adults over the age of 60 reported “high levels of well-being compared to younger people.”
According to the American Psychological Association, there is a term called “the positivity effect,” which is “an increasing tendency for older adults, compared to younger people, to attend to, recall, and process positive information to a greater degree than they do negative information, a theory first proposed in the 1990s by U.S. psychologist Laura L. Carstensen.”
There are plenty of opportunities to be positive as we age. A few scenarios include:
Being flexible, open, and realistic is the bottom line for successful grand planning – right next to being communicative and trusting those who love and help us. When we can embrace all the changes that come our way with an open mind and positive mindset, some transitions aren’t such a big deal after all. With these strengths, we can skip toward the horizon with all the opportunities, challenges, and workarounds in our sights and maneuver them with a sense of purpose – and joy.
Susanna Barton, a member of Jacksonville Mayor Donna Degan’s subcommittee on elder care, has worked as a professional writer in Jacksonville for nearly 30 years and is the founder of the Grand Plans online community, podcast, newsletter, and blog. Her book Grand Plans 20: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and its accompanying workbook, the Grand Planner 2.0, are available in local stores and on Amazon. For more information, visit http://www.mygrandplans.com.
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